they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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