I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
