Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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