Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
