he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
