Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
someone owes me an orgasm
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
