you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize