My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
