it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
