I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
