I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
