sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I love having hate sex.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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