i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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