the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
