i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
