sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
