I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
