I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
