I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
