she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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