Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He shit in the fireplace
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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