I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
