i just google imaged poop.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
