John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
