Buhtt sex?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
