I'm really into asian looking animals
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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