I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
