Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My underwear smells like fireworks.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I didn't notice because vodka
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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