I bet he comes in French.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize