i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
