Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Randomize
