so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
