My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
