i think my mom watched the whole time
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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