they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize