Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
