I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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