I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
