I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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