Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
