I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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