so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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