Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
