how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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