How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
