I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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