All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
