Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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