i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
