He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
