Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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