yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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