Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
