I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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