i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
