Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
