i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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