So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
