does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
