So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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