Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
