very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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