The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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