i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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