I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
