ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
