question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
