i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
