I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
