and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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