hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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