I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There r osticjed everywhere
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
