just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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