He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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