im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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