pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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