You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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