It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The feeling are messing with the penis
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
