he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
