Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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