he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
