everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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