OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
