jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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