Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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