HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
