So drunk its hurt
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
