I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
