Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
