Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize