3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
