Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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